I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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