I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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