Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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