She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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