i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
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I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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