woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
