hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
where are you?
Hypothermia
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
