I'm an idiot
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
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the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
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jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant