I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.