i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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