I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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