I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize