the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Found the puke drawer
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
