I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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