You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
