I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
