Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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