So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
