Life is so much better after having sex.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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