Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I need moral support for this bender
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
