Are we in a gay sports bar?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize