my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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