WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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