Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
