Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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