there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
