I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize