the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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