i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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