ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
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Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
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I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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