Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
