I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
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You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize