if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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