I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
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just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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