She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
