He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
this just has baby written all over it
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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