Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
