Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
