im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize