They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
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I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
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You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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