Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize