I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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