me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My pussy is not your playground.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
