East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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