I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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