I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.