What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?