In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.