I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups