did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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