Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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