I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
are you so shy because you have an std?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
