the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize