Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize