Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We're too hungover to prance.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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