Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
